WHAT IF WWE FINISHERS WERE ACTUAL STRAINS?
Little known fact: A lot of wrestling fans are avid tokers.
I grew up watching WWF/WWE, it was one of my favorite rituals to enjoy with my pops. Fast forward to me at age 33 and I still can’t get enough! There’s nothing I enjoy more than watching wrestling when I’m baked.
After a nice session I’m always mesmerized by the athleticism the wrestlers possess and the HOLY SHIT moments that always occur. From the elaborate entrances and costumes to the hilariously cheesy/bad acting, weed and wrestling are the perfect tag team.
The other day I was watching Smackdown…stoned of course, when I realized that so many of the finishers could also pass for strain names. I decided to gather up some of the most popular finishers and decided to create my own strains. These are all 100% made up strains and descriptions!
RKO is a sneaky-strong indica that incapacitates you with its viper-like ability to knock you the fuck out. Soon after ingesting you’ll start to feel pain relieving qualities in the neck and body. I felt a numb feeling in my face and my eyes had a heavy pressure that lowered my eyelids until I was knocked out and left for dead. This is definitely a strain you want to smoke at night.
From 2003 to 2008 before weed-boom, the strain Attitude Adjustment was know as the FU. But as the cannabis industry has grown it’s looking to be taken a little more serious and the name was changed to the AA or Attitude Adjustment. This hybrid strain is a perfect 50/50 that will leave you elevated eliminating any foul mood. Used by many to battle depression and mood swings, you may give you a floaty, invigorating buzz and can also provide mild pain relieving qualities in your back. One of the best things about this strain is its sweet smell reminiscent of the strain Fruity Pebbles.
The aptly named Super Man Punch is a 100%, super-potent sativa. I really enjoyed the sweet and pungent berry-like aroma it provided, the nugs were also super chunky as if they had their own muscles. I felt a strong surge of energy work through my body, while my head was in a euphoric daze, almost of as if I was punched in the face.
The description is in its name. Dirty Deeds is a delicate strain with an intoxicating floral scent. Some have said that Dirty Deeds makes them feel bubbly until a flood of arousal seeps in, which is perfect when you want to get down and dirty with someone special. I keep this one on hand when I want my inhibitions lowered filled with a flirty, titillating night.
F-5 is a very powerful sativa that smells like straight jet fuel and will shoot you into the sky with an energetic beast-like feeling. I felt unstoppable, like I could conquer anyone and anything, definitely something you want to try before or after a workout with its powerful ability to fight fatigue and pain while also keeping you focused. Think Cinex + Sour Diesel.
Styles Clash can go either way, like Gorilla Glue #4. While it provides users with a heavy feeling of euphoria and happiness, it can also make you very sleepy when you least expect it, clashing with any plans you may have had. Many use Styles Clash to relieve upper body pain in the chest and midsection.
Blue Thunder Bomb
With part of its genetics from Blue Hawaiian, Blue Thunder Bomb has gorgeous nugs. While the buds are mostly green in color, you’ll notice blue tones woven throughout with sharp orange and red hairs poking out to say HI. Blue Thunder Bomb is a smooth strain with tropical flavors. After smoking some of it the muscles in my back loosened up and I was surrounded by a zen-like aura. Since it tasted so good I kept smoking it and all of a sudden I felt like a bomb went off and I felt an uplifting energy that had me off the rails. I felt super chatty and everything was funny to me.
Sometimes strains can put you in your feelings. Rearview contains a robust fruity scent with soft spicy notes that tingled my nostrils. The buds were so bright I swear they could glow in the dark. It took a bit to kick in, but after 5-7 minutes I was feeling a joyous reminiscent vibe. I started thinking about my life and where it’s taken me, people I hadn’t thought about in years were popping into my head and all the memories I shared with them. They were all happy thoughts! I was in this pleasant cloud of hazy delight that I hadn’t felt in awhile.
Twist Of Fate
This is a newer strain and not much is known of Twist of Fate. From what I’ve been told Twist of Fate is a strong sativa and not something newbies should go too hard on. Twist of Fate has a sweet and pungent diesel smell and it’s buds are very leafy with streaks and purple and an almost silver color. I took a few bong hits an energetic wave take over my body and mind. I was flying through the Twilight Zone until the strength was too much for me and I passed out. When I woke up a few hours later I walked over to my laptop which was still on and I noticed I had done a little writing that made no sense. Words like “Brother Nero”, “broken” amd something about obsession and then the words: DELETE DELETE DELETE! Weird.
This just narrowly made the list! I like to keep strains handy that are good at keeping me focused. Codebreaker is a strain that provides a lively energetic mental buzz that keeps me alert and focused day or night. I like smoking Codebreaker when I’m writing, playing video games, or when I need creative inspiration. I definitely felt a heavy tingly feeling in my head and face. Codebreaker is golden in color and slathered with a coat of shiny crystals and has a nice citrus profile. You definitely can’t go wrong with…IT.
Coup De Grace
I wasn’t going to mention Coup De Grace because the sample I received was small, but I felt like it deserved to be mentioned. Coup De Grace had a nice earthy taste that hit my chest hard like someone was standing on top of me. I felt a bit spacey in the head until my body was in a sleepy trance. This bud definitely hads a sinister look that reminded me of a strain Purple Reign with it’s dark colors and bright pistils.